Saturday, November 24, 2012

Elf of the Shelf | One Creepy Christmas Tradition

Last Christmas I was inundated with my friends rejoice when their Elf arrived, complete with adorable pictures of their kids answering the door, and then lamenting on Facebook how they forgot to move their Elf during the night and little Janie noticed and questions the Elf's validity.  It spurred some curiosity as to what this Elf is, but I mostly just ignored it.  But when it started up again this year, I got curious.

OK, let me get this straight... you adopt your Elf at an Elf Adoption Center (AKA Target) and then open your Elf, name it (or does it come named?) and then put it somewhere and it proceeds to spy on you and your children and then report back to Santa everything you do each night.  Do I have this right?

I'm having issues with this.  For one, this thing is creepy.  It reminds me this old faded doll my friend had that used to belong to her mother.  The creepy kind you see abandoned in houses in horror movies.  But that's not the only reason it's creepy.  Let me break this down for you...

It sees everything you do then runs around and gossips about you.  Yup, even you, parents.

If you touch it, you kill.  You say it "loses its magic" but let's face it.  Even Tinkerbell dies if you stop believing and she loses her magic!  You kill the damn thing if you touch it.  And I was such a little brat as a kid I would have touched the damn thing just to get my parents to go buy me another one.  Take that, parents.

It likes to "play games".  You know what other doll liked to play games?  Yeah.  Chuckie.  Let that sink in for a minute.

It's not just that this thing is creepy.  Were it just creepy I may consider getting one for my own kids someday.  Mostly because I'm slightly sadistic and the idea of freaking my kids out by positioning it directly above their beds makes me giggle a little.  This is probably why I've never been able to get pregnant and have to be happy with the niece and nephew.  Hrm....

No, it's also extremely inconvenient.  As if you don't have enough going on in your life, you have to go adopt the damn thing, which I'm guessing involved packing up the whole family and hauling them down to Target, just to scare the crap out of them by telling them if they do anything bad the Elf will go tell Santa, and then you have to remember to move it every night or else you're kids, who probably aren't that dumb to begin with, will quickly catch on and call you out on the whole BS of the situation.  This is what numerous friends lament about on Facebook, and actually leave work in the middle of the day to resolve.  Seem like a lot of work to me.

Plus what happens if your kids do something really, really horrible in plain view of the Elf and then still get gifts on Christmas morning?  Nothing says "it's OK to be a sociopath!" than breaking Mom's favorite vase and burying it the in backyard than thinking the Elf thinks that's OK.  Now, if the Elf had a camera in him that actually allowed you to see everything that happened in view of him, that would be a different story.  But for it's price, this doesn't seem to be the case.

Finally, IMO, it sort of ruins that myth of Santa.  Now, I'm not a huge fan of lying to kids, but Santa is one thing I'll let them have for as long as they want to have it.  And since Santa still visits me on Christmas morning when I go to my parent's house to celebrate, I imagine this will be a long, long time.  But there's one thing I always knew about Santa.  A fact that numerous movies and TV shows have taught me....

Santa is kind of God-like in this way.  He's all knowing.  He sees all, knows all.  And he doesn't need some little Elf spy to rat you out because he already knows if you're a little jerk or not.  But, let's face it, regardless of how good or bad you are, you're still going to get something on Christmas morning.  Unless your parents are truly awesome and actually gave you a stocking full of coal, which is something I half expected for most of my childhood. 

And what about all those kids who parents don't buy them an Elf to manipulate them with each December?  Are those kids just special and Santa already knows if they are bad or good, or does the creepy Peeping Tom Elf from next door creep on them, too?  Cause Santa may still visit them, too... so how would he know?

My overall opinion of this thing is clear.  Not a fan.  Couldn't you tell?


Stephani said...

Wow! I never thought I'd find someone that thought it was as awful as me! Thanks for sharing. :)

Tanya said...

Haha, I see everyone talking about their Elf, taking photos of the naughty things the Elf has done, pouring flour all over the kitchen counter, etc (and Mom has to clean up after him!) I thought I was the bad one thinking the idea of the tattling Elf was not a very good one. Not to even mention that he is VERY creepy looking!